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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” entered the mainstream. Initially, the notion that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed breakdown to the terms gen Z is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most popular memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon connected to a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who opt out of having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Red flags – Personal habits signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and usually everyday repulsions that immediately shut down any feelings of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {